Inner Sanctum

Booking Through Thursday

2009-07-09T15:21:00.001-07:00

Here's the lil meme from Booking Through Thursday:

“So here today I present to you an Unread Books Challenge. Give me the list or take a picture of all the books you have stacked on your bedside table, hidden under the bed or standing in your shelf – the books you have not read, but keep meaning to. The books that begin to weigh on your mind. The books that make you cover your ears in conversation and say, ‘No! Don’t give me another book to read! I can’t finish the ones I have!’ “

Now, I know I have a pile as big as... my arm. Unfortunately, though, I cannot remember all the titles, since some of them are also packed down in boxes. I know, I know. I need to sort through my boxes of books and get rid of some...

So here's the list... eh, so far.

1. The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde. (First of his Nursery Crime books... the man is a genius, but I think I was kinda full on twisted fairytale stories when I picked this one up. Still gonna finish it though. At some point.)

2. A few books (Bloodstone, Last Sword of Power, Wolf in Shadow, The Last Guardian) by David Gemmell. (Fantasy, I think. Bought them when they were cheap, haven't even opened them. Yikes.)

3. The Conan Chronicles 1 & 2 by Robert E Howard. (Classical fantasy that I got, tried to read....I swear, I go to sleep when I open the books. Need to get rid of these.)

4. Herakles by Theodor Kallifatides. (Yawn. Christmas gift. Haven't even started to read it... not sure I ever will)

5. Diplomatic Baggage by Brigid Keenan. (Bought it, it was cheap.. started it and lost interest. Meh.)

6. The First Book of Lankhmar by Fritz Leiber. (See Conan.)

7. Spartan by V. Massimo Manfredi. (Gift, and whenever I try to read the book, I just seem to find other things to do...)

8. Night Watch by Terry Pratchett. (Another gift, and I love Terry, but I haven't ...been in the mood to read it. Plus, I have a feeling that I should read some of the books before this one before attempting it.)

9. A trilogy by Michael Scott Rohan. (See 2.)

10. Forging the Darksword by M Weis and T Hickman. (See 2, again!)

11. Warrior Rising by PC Cast (saving this one for my flight to Phoenix next week. Yay!)

12. Kushiel's Justice by Jacqueline Carey (saving it, but I am afraid I will be a lil disappointed by it...)

13. Dreams Made Flesh by Anne Bishop. (just haven't had the time to read this one yet!)

14. Time and the Gods by Lord Dunsany. (See Conan).

Big list. Could be bigger, if I had all the titles. And these are books that are either not read... or I managed to read a few pages. Still, yikes. Need to get rid of some of them!

I must be crazy...

2008-11-07T17:23:00.000-08:00

Truth is, I must be more than a little crazy to sign up to do NaNoWriMo this year. Well, actually, I must be more than a little crazy to sign up, start writing, and then realize that nope, this is not working, so I will switch my entire story to something else on day 5. Which I did, and now I am now running behind in keeping up with the word count, but hey, it is the weekend, and my Muse might kick in.

On top of that, I just have to keep up with everything else. Work is being really uninspiring at the moment, as I finished one project and am now between projects meaning that I get to do a little thing here and a little thing there. Still, it would not have been all that bad, if it had not been for the working conditions that keep getting worse. And no, Internet, we are not talking about the physical working conditions (cause they managed to turn on the heat finally, after just a week or two of testers complaining about freezing their asses off), we are talking about all the policies that the company is currently enforcing. Written warnings for arriving late (sure, it is understandable, but noone gives a shit about you staying a few minutes late after work to make sure that you have everything in order) and now, the 20 minutes of talk allowed between testers.

Atop of that, dear readers, we also have the admin staff telling us to act professionally and arrive on time and so on. But is it really professional to stand by the screen where we punch in and say to people "you are late"? No, it smells of kindergarten, and that, my friends, is just not...cool.

Gah. Oh well, at least I can now disappear into my own fictional world and think about something else to calm down and relax. Who knows, maybe frustration will make me write 50 000 words this year.

Canada...and an update on me

2008-08-23T15:59:00.001-07:00

Yup, Canada. I am here, since the 25th July. Sometimes, I cannot believe that a month has gone by already. Where the heck did August go, anyway? Probably into the jaws of work.

I am now a Swedish linguistic tester at Enzyme labs in Ste-Adele. That means, I play video games on different consoles, and test them for bugs in Swedish. Like...wrong translations, inappropriate language, overlapping text...and so on. And when I am not assigned to a Swedish project (which will happen in the low season, noone apparently wants to release games in Sweden), I am doing functionality testing. That means, I am checking for everything that will make the game crash, freeze, not work, looks funny and so on. You get the idea, I am sure.

It is an interesting job, that I will gladly admit. You get to see a lot of different things, you are certainly stimulated when trying to get to the next task/level and so on - and the people you work with are great. We are linguistic testers from all over the world - Scandinavia (Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark), Germany, France, Italy, Spain, Holland, Japan...and I am pretty sure I might have missed some countries. So, it is so awesome to get to meet all these people - and to hear all the languages.

Language, yes. I am a non-French speaker in freaking Quebec - that's one tough thing, Internet. Mostly, I can get around it with an "English, please?" - but not all people in Ste-Adele do speak English (did I mention that Ste-Adele is a small countryside town?) so you have to be good at coming up with solutions. Yeah, and I am already learning the useful stuff like "Bon jour/Bon soir", "Comment ca va?" and "Do you want to eat it here or bring it with you?" (well, the last one I understand, but I certainly cannot spell it in French).

So, the job is good, the pay is less good. I suppose I can survive on it, but it will be a little tougher when the low season comes (that's when you do functionality testing, and just work 35 hours a week). Less work, a lot colder - yes... I do come from a cold country, but it does not get that cold. And Halland - not so much snow there, either. So, this is going to be...interesting, to say the very least.

Ste-Adele, yes. Small town, and for rich people, I would think. There are tons of hairdressers, art galleries and cafes/restaurants - and that is about it. Then there is one or two boutiques with expensive clothing...and um. Yeah, that is pretty much it. And considering that I do not have a car, it is slightly more difficult to go to the other towns around here to get some shopping done. And to go to Montreal, which is an hour away. I will have to go there by bus some weekend, I think.

Well, I will keep you posted on this adventure. Sometimes, it does feel like Wonderland to me...but eh, that's Quebec for ya.

Reading, writing, scrapping, all the good things!

2008-04-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I have been laxing lately in all the things I should do. I have not committed enough time on the lessons that I am writing for the Green House, 100 words per day crashed the other day, so I have to start over again...and well, I have to say that I do not feel all that terrible about it.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have just been enjoying myself, and done avatars for the fun of it, discovered digital scrapbooking and found that it is damned addictive - and well, it feels good. I have learnt a lot of new things in Photoshop too, and that's always something that makes me feel good.

I have been pondering a lot, too. When it comes to Art Garden, it is hard to not always look forward, try to come up with new things to try out, to always stay ahead when it comes to developing the community. And well, that's what you have to do if you want your community to be successful - you have to give it an edge, develop that edge and continually try to think of new ways to stay ahead of other rivals, to offer your members something unique. And that, my friends, is not easy. It is never easy to start something new, and keep it going.

My latest read has been "Wicked!" by Jilly Cooper. I do have to say that I love Jilly Cooper as a writer - and Wicked! has been one in the line of her Rutshire Chronicles. These are a series of novels, with recurring characters that bind together the novels. Technically, they are standalone books - but as they reference back to previous books, you kinda have to read them in the order they were written. Wicked! is about...ah well. I'll give you the backside blurb!

At Bagley Hall, a notoriously wild, but increasingly academic, independent, crammed with the children of the famous, trouble is afoot. The ambitious and fatally attractive headmaster, Hengist Brett-Taylor, hatches a plan to share the facilities of his school with Larkminster Comprehensive - known locally, as 'Larks'. His reasons for doing so are purely financial, but he is encouraged by the opportunities the scheme gives him for frequent meetings with Janna Curtis, the dynamic new head of Larks, who has been drafted in to save, what is a fast-sinking school from closure. Janna is young, pretty, enthusiastic and vastly brave - and she will do anything to rescue her demoralized, run-down and cash-strapped school.

Neither parents nor staff of either school, are too keen on this radical move, although some can see the possible financial advantages. For the students, however, it offers great opportunities to get up to even more mayhem than usual.

There you go. I highly, highly recommend Jilly Cooper's novels - they are my favorite summer novels to read in the sun. The stories have adultery, infidelity, melodrama, money issues, murder - and they are set in glorious England (ok, maybe not so glorious) but with lots of glamour and wealth.

Riders
Rivals
Polo
The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous
Appassionata
Score!
Pandora
Wicked!

So yes. Read Jilly Cooper, you won't be disappointed.

Writing Woes

2008-04-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

You know, I made a very optimistic resolution at the beginning of this year - I was going to write everyday. Well, essentially I have been able to do that, but I have cheated and counted everything from journal thoughts to writing tutorials as that. So now I have just made a new resolution - I will write at least 100 words a day for 100 days.

This is an idea from Club 100 - you can find more about it HERE. Write 100 words a day for 100 days, very simple. You can write more than 100 words per day, but they do not carry over into the next day. And if you do not write 100 words in a day, well, then your 100 days simply starts over.

So far, I have been at this for roughly two weeks, but I have managed to write at least 100 words every day - and the 100 words have been the continuation of my NaNo piece, too. So all good on my behalf. I might even be able to finish this story (I wish, at least). If not...well, then I have at least something to work with - I havea fantasy world brewing in my head.

Hell on Heels

2008-04-16T15:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I figured that in order to actually get some posts here in the blog, I ought to post about what I am reading. Or have read. You get the idea!

Hell on Heels by Julie Kenner, Kathleen O'Reilly and Dee Davis.

Alright, so the Devil wants to retire. To get more time for...well, whatever the Devil does when he is not all busy in Hell. So, he needs a heir, and so he turns to the children he has spawned over the years - in this novel, his daughters. Three ladies, devilishly delicious, each with her special talents and history. Oh, they just have to finish this one assignment for Daddy, and Hell is all theirs.

I really liked this one, it was a good read - oh, and some steamy sex scenes as well. Not too bad when it comes to characters and such, but a little flat - only to be expected since the book is divided into three parts, and each daughter has her part (written by one author). And apparently there is a previous book where the Devil turns to his sons - I have to get that one to read it too. It was funny, smart and I just have a thing for this kind of supernatural chiclit where the Devil plays a role - funny as hell. Hehe.

2001

2008-02-18T11:35:00.000-08:00

Kelly/ruby, this one is for you. She picked out a year for me to remember, and see just what kind of important stuff that was going on in my life at that time. Amazingly enough, I do remember this year, and more so! I remember what was actually going on right there and then.

The beginning of the year was pretty on the downside. I came home from Washington DC the Christmas of 2000, and I was pretty much beaten down in my shoes. For one, my au pair/nanny experience had not been very good - I was not allowed to do much by the family, and then I was homesick something fierce - and they complained about me, too. I was not a very happy person at the beginning of the year - I was applying to go university and read medicine, and in the meantime, I had to have some sort of work.

And well, being an au pair was pretty much the only option - only, this time I was not going abroad. I was looking for work within Sweden, and I found a family in Stockholm who needed an au pair. This family was a doctor family (both mom and dad were doctors) and they had three sons. I was to live with them, and do the things an au pair does. If anyone is unclear on what this means - it means that you are taking care of the kids, making sure that they are getting to school, cleaning the house, picking up kids after school, driving them to all sorts of activities, handle all the household chores needed, cook....yeah. It was hard work, but it was better than the position I had in Washington DC - now I could at least go out, and do whatever I wanted in the weekends.

And I had an Internet connection. Yeah, my Internet addiction was for sure there, already, and I had started to roleplay a little online. Not much, and I was pretty careful, still. And I don't think my English was any good, either. -L-

I stayed in Stockholm from February to June, and then I went back home to Falkenberg. And helped out in the summer shop that Dad was renting that year. I can't remember if this was the first or the second year he did that - I think it was the second year, and in that case, it was pretty much a sucky and cold summer. We didn't do very well at all, but we did learn a lot of things. For one, my family has a pretty high level of general knowledge. You see, each Saturday in the summer, we had ...and now I am at loss for an English word, I don't even know if they exist outside of Sweden. Walking quizzes? You go for a walk, and answer questions. Granted, the people who did these quiz walks were pretty much seniors - but I thought they would be much better on general knowledge. They weren't.

And then, in the autumn, I went to university. But no, I didn't get into medicine, which was a dream of mine for a long time. I went to Gothenburg, and took a course in English. I was commuting at this time, which meant that I was on the train for two hours a day. That was a bitch. Also, afternoon lectures is not my thing. I can fall asleep right in front of the lecturer, and that is SO not good. But I do think I did rather well with English - well enough to apply for another course the next year - to be taken abroad, in Brighton.

This was also the autumn when I got more involved in the online roleplaying. More being the keyword, and I stayed up just a little later than I should have. This was when I met my first online love, too. And the man who is currently in my life now, even though I did not exactly...know him very well at this point. Yeah, it is dangerous to roleplay and fall in love with another character, and the player behind that character, but that's what I did. Eventually. Internet sure did get more and more interesting, and I do believe, this was the year when I seriously got into creating avatars.

In hindsight, this year, I realized quite a lot of things.

Creating graphics and design is something that I got hooked to, and addicted to. It was something I wanted to expand on, learn more, and perhaps do even more.

Life doesn't always go like you want it to. I thought I was going to be a doctor, but as it turned out, I got into language...and I continued down along that road and got into design and web design eventually.

I am never going to be an au pair or nanny, ever again. Nor will I ever hire one for my own children - if you are going to have kids, you are supposed to bring them up yourself, and not leave it to strangers.

My family is unique, and I love them to bits. Even if they drive me mad now and then, they are always there when I need them, and give me all the support I could ever need.

Love can appear in the most strange places. And you never just never know.

Friends can appear in the most strange places as well, and you just never know about this either.

There. It turned out to be a lot of things going on this year, and I actually realized more than I actually thought I had. An awesome idea, this post, all the credit to you, kelly, for coming up with this, and making me think! Thank you!

Recipe for Sara

2008-02-06T06:58:00.001-08:00

The Recipe For Sara

3 parts Wisdom
2 parts Glamour
1 part Charm

Splash of Rebellion

Chug!

What's the Recipe for Your Personality?

Rough Translation - Gabriellas Song

2008-01-31T07:17:00.000-08:00

Yeah, maybe I ought to translate it for those who can't read Swedish.

Gabriellas Song

It is now that life is mine
I have gotten a moment here on earth
And my longing has brought me here
What I missed and what I got

It is still the road I have chosen
My hope far beyond the North
Which has shown a small glimpse
Of the heaven I have never reached

I want to feel that I am alive
All the time I have got
I want to live as I like
Know that I am enough

I have never forgotten who I was
I have only let it be asleep
Maybe I had no choice
Only the will to stay here

I want to live happily because I am me
Be able to be strong and free
Watch the night go towards day
I am here and my life is just mine
And the heaven I thought existed
Will I find there, somewhere

I want to feel that I have lived my life

Gabriellas sång

2008-01-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

Det är nu som livet är mitt
Jag har fått en stund här på jorden
Och min längtan har fört mig hit
Det jag saknat och det jag fått

Det är ändå vägen jag valt
Min förtröstan långt bortom norden
Som har visat en liten glimt
Av den himmel jag aldrig nått

Jag vill känna att jag lever
All den tid jag har
Ska jag leva som jag vill
Jag vill känna att jag lever
Veta att jag räcker till

Jag har aldrig glömt vem jag var
Jag har bara låtit det sova
Kanske hade jag inget val
Bara viljan att finnas kvar

Jag vill leva lycklig för att jag är jag
Kunna vara stark och fri
Se hur natten går mot dag
Jag är här och mitt liv är bara mitt
Och den himmel jag trodde fanns
Ska jag hitta där nånstans

Jag vill känna att jag levt mitt liv

Gabriellas sång by Helen Sjöholm

Meme

2008-01-30T15:50:00.000-08:00

What time is it
00:50.

What are you most afraid of?
Losing family members, that I will never get a job, that I am not going to lose the weight put on

What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a Theater
Christ. No, that was not the most recent film....eh. I think it was the Narnia one?

Place of birth
Halland

Favorite food
Pizza.

What's your natural hair color
Medium blonde

Ever been to Alaska
Noo.

Ever been toilet paper rolling
Noo.

Love someone so much it made you cry
Hell yes.

Been in a car accident
Dinged the car? Yes. In an accident with another car? No.

Croutons or bacon bits
Croutons

Favorite day of the week
Saturday

Favorite restaurant
Don't have one?

Favorite Flower
Sunflowers, anemones, gerbera

Favorite sport to watch
Showjumping

Favorite drink
Red wine? Or Coke. Even though I am not allowed to drink it any more.

Favorite ice cream
Plain vanilla from Sia Glass in Falkenberg!

Disney or Warner Brothers
Disney

Ever been on a ship
Ferries, yes. And small sailing boats.

What color is your bedroom carpet
Don't have a carpet in my bedroom - it's hardwood floor?

How many times did you fail your driver's test
None!

Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail
Eh. From someone wanting to buy school books from me?

What do you do when you are bored
Read.

Bedtime
Laaate.

Who will respond to this meme the quickest
Bah. Who reads my blog?

Who is the person least likely to respond
See above answer.

Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses
See above answer, again. And because I am not reading enough blogs myself.

Favorite TV show
Pushing Daisies, CSI, Xena...and the list goes on.

Last person you went to dinner with
My parents.

What is your favorite vacation spot?
Considering that I haven't had a vacation in years...anything warm works for me.

What are your favorite colors
Blue!

How many tattoos do you have
None.

How many pets do you have
A cat and a dog. And yes, I do consider them mine cause it's me they go to.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg
Um. The...cell?

What do you want to do before you die?
Now that is a long list. Not to be posted here, cause the blog will die.

Have you ever been to Hawaii
Nope.

Have you been to countries outside the U.S.
LOL. Yes, I live in one. Apart from Sweden - UK, Norway, Denmark, Germany, Spain, Tunisia.

Type the first word that comes to mind.
Innocent

Ignore the Cursing...

2008-01-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

....please ignore the cursing right now, I am right in the middle of writing tutorials. And it is the most infuriating thing that you can do, I swear. Whatever possessed me to think that I could write a whole program for avatar design? Yeah, that would be the small voice in my head going on, but really, it is a pain in the ass to write tutorials.

To have to really think about how you do things, and make sure to take screenshots, and did I skip a step there, is this even understandable and did I really get that screen shot? I did, yes, but then I have to make another one, cause the screen shot doesn't show all of it now that I have cut it down, and damn, can you see it now that I have resized it, too?

Yes, you can very well imagine how things are going in my mind at the moment.

Other than that, there is a new week coming up, and I am feeling slightly nervous about Tuesday, Internet. On Tuesday, I am going to Stockholm for a job interview, and honestly, I really want the job. Really, really. The position is called something along the lines of Release Manager, but looking over the tasks - it is more of a project assistant thing. At an international fashion company, did I mention that? Guess what I associated it to? Ohyeah, the Devil Wears Prada. My god, if I end up like that, Internet, you won't see me for half a year or so. So I better keep writing on the damned tutorials, so I can at least get ...half...of them ready?

What am I sitting here for? I should be making more lessons/tutorials/work on the tutor program.

I've been tagged...

2008-01-19T02:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, I was tagged by Rachel, but seeing as how she tagged all the people I know, I am not tagging anyone else.

7 random or weird facts about me:

1. I am a frozen kind of person. I can freeze when it is 25 degrees Celsius outside, and I definitely do it now when it is around 1 - 2 degrees outside. Brr.

2. I own too many books. Now, that is not something you would have expected to hear from me, but after lugging the damned boxes around, I have definitely come to the conclusion that I own too many books. Not that I would throw any away, though. Oh no!

3. I believe in....a lot of things, come to think of it. I do believe in karma, I do believe in a female and male aspect of the Power Above. Eh. Let's just call me a pagan, without any real practice done.

4. I have been living out of boxes since...April last year. Do you know how utterly depressing it is to not even have your clothes unpacked? Very depressing.

5. My name is mentioned in the dedication of a printed, well-selling book. Livets Källa by Saga Borg. (I won a naming contest on that author(s) website, and got a signed copy of one of their books, but as I found out when I bought this one - My name is in it!

6. I hate writing tutorials. I have been doing that for the last couple of days, and it is very annoying to have to think so much, be so specific and careful and - ohyeah. I am writing tutorials for a tutor program in graphic design. Perhaps should have said that.

7. I am in a relationship with a man I met on the Net, and still haven't met outside of it. This year...it will be four years.

Writing woes

2008-01-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

You know, it can be so hard to write everyday - or so I have found out. It's all fine and dandy when you actually come up with something, but those days when your head is standing still and you ain't doing anything...those days are hell. Those days, I sit down and force myself to write for five minutes, at least. About a random subject. Whatever is drifting through my mind. Those bits turn out to be some sort of diary pieces, but hey, at least I wrote something that day, and that was all that mattered to me. But well.

I am thinking about what Julia Cameron wrote in The Artist's Way: Progress, not perfection. And that is about how we can sum up my writing at the moment. Progress. Hey, I am at least writing.

Month Meme

2008-01-01T17:04:00.000-08:00

Wasn't tagged with this, just thought it was fun. Hehe. And I am not tagging either...oh well!

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below).
3. Pick your month of birth (see below).
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

- Active and dynamic. Depends on how you interpret it. I am not a very active person, physically (regretfully), but my mind is. VERY much so.
- Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Decisive, yes. Once I make up my mind, I have made up my mind, and so on. Tends to regret on the other hand...well, not too sure, but oh well.
- Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Wha...? Just to myself? Now that sounds odd. I am not that egocentric!
- Strong mentality. Strong mentality, you betcha.
- Loves attention. Well, who doesn't, now and then? Not constantly, though.
- Diplomatic. I am the born diplomat. Honestly!
- Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Or at least I try.
- Brave and fearless. Bwahaha. No, fearless, I am not.
- Adventurous. Not...all that much, no.
- Loving and caring. Loving and caring, yup.
- Suave and generous. Don't know about suave, but I would like to think I am generous.
- Emotional. Heh. Ohyeah!
- Aggressive. Not...so much. Sometimes.
- Hasty. When I have made up my mind, I have...and it can be done in a second. And on the other hand, tougher questions, I tend to mill over and over again.
- Good memory. Somewhat!
- Moving. What does this mean? That I move other people? Naah.
- Motivates oneself and others. Would like to think so?
- Sickness usually of the head and chest. Eh. No?
- Sexy in a way that only their lover can see. What? No...don't think so. More like I am private about that sexiness rather than letting everyone know!

All Months:

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

...is a rather grand way of starting off the new year, but well, I have to make it official somehow, somewhere - so I might actually have to follow these resolutions, no? I don't think I have actually ever made a resolution, either. Mainly because I rather think that it is ridiculous to think that a promise made in the beginning of the year would be more...than one made a little later. Or maybe it is the whole hysteria around new year's resolutions. Either way, I have made two.

#1 I will try to write everyday.
I want to write, I need to write, I love to write. But it gets pushed back, and that way, I will never get anywhere with my writing, either. So I need to write everyday - no set limit, but try to make it at least five mins everyday. At least!

#2 I will try to be healthier.
Which means I should walk every day, lose weight, and probably get to bed a lot more earlier than I do. Well, the last one is gonna fail miserably, but I am going to lose weight, and walk everyday. I am, I am, I am.

So, Internet, there you have it. My resolutions for the new year, and lo and behold, I am already being a good girl and working on the first one. Yay me!

Layers Meme

2007-12-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

LAYERS MEME
LAYER ONE: On the Outside
Name: Sara
Birth date: 2 April
Birthplace: Falkenberg
Current Location: Söderhamn
Eye Color: Bluegreen
Hair Color: Medium blonde
Height: 1,73m
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Aries

LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Swedish, through and through
Shoes you wore today: Foppa slippers
Your weakness: Procrastination. Definitely. And having too many things to do at the same time.
Your fears: Heights. Not being able to move forward, learning new things, etc.
Your perfect pizza: Capricciosa.
Goal you'd like to achieve: To one day have a published novel.

LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Don't use AIM.
Your thoughts first waking up: Oh god, morning so soon?
Your best physical feature: My eyes.
Your bedtime: Hehe. Oh, it ...varies.
Your most missed memory: Wha? I lost a memory?

LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
Mc Donald's or Burger King: Burger King.
Single or group dates: Uh. Single?
Adidas or Nike: Does it matter?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Oh yuk to both.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee. Definitely!

LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: NO.
Cuss: All the time.
Sing: All the time
Take a shower everyday: Yup.
Have a crush(es): Sure do.
Think you've been in love: Yes.
Like(d) high school: Sure...?
Want to get married: Yes...
Believe in yourself: Oh, I try.
Get motion sickness: Mmm...no.
Think you're attractive: Some days.
Think you're a health freak: Oh no.
Get along with your parents: Pretty much, yes.
Like thunderstorms: No, not really. They make me turn off the computer!
Play an instrument: I played piano. Very badly. Years ago.

LAYER SIX: In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Ohyes.
Smoked: Never
Done a drug: Never
Gone on a date: ...no.
Gone to the mall?: Yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
Been on stage: No
Been dumped:No
Gone skating: No
Gone skinny dipping: No (kinda cold in December)
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen anything: No

LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Ohyeah!
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yup.
Been caught "doing something": Yup.
Been called a tease: Yup!
Gotten beaten up: No...
Shoplifted: Afraid so!

LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: Yikes. No idea. Before I am 40?
How do you want to die: Old age. Preferrably in my bed, too.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Yikes. I am grown up...no idea still!
What country would you most like to visit: Hmm. Good question. I have a lot of countries I would like to visit.

LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy
Best eye color?: Not that important...partial to dark eyes, though.
Best hair color?: Not that important.
Short or long hair: Uh...doesn't matter.
Height: Tall. (but not a giant, either!)
Best articles of clothing: Hehe. Oh...a tie, maybe? Ties are sexy.
Best first date location: Yikes. No idea.

LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of drugs taken illegally: 0
Number of people I could trust with my life: around...10, or so.
Number of CDs that I own: Uuuugh. 40ish? 50ish?
Number of piercings: None.
Number of tattoos: None.
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper?: Oh...maybe...3 - 4?
Number of scars on my body: Eh. 10, maybe?
Number of things in my past that I regret: I regret nothing...

Eulogy

2007-12-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day here in Falkenberg, tomorrow we are driving to the new house - much further north in Sweden. The drive will take about 8 hours, and we will be driving there with one dog and one cat. Yay.

There will only be one dog, though. Today, our old dog was put to sleep, and she died here, peacefully in her basket. Donna was 13 years old, and she had lived all her life here in this house. Which is why we made the decision to let her stay here, the place she grew up in, and the garden she loved so much. It felt like it was unfair to bring her up to a new house, an unfamiliar one with almost no garden - and she was getting very old those last weeks of her life. So very old and tired, slow as a snail when out walking.

My heart is breaking, and I have cried more or less all day. Donna was the heart of the family, a wild wacky dog who never did anything slow until the last months of her life, that is. We used to say that we picked out the wrong puppy - we were gonna have the calm one, but instead it turned out to be the one with one gear - go, go, go! Still, life with Donna was never boring. She guarded us against all cats, dogs and anything else passing on the bike path outside our house - and loved every person who came through the front door. We used to say that she would do the same for a burglar - yes, yes, yes...pet me, take me with you, please!

The garden was what Donna loved most, that, and getting to go along out into the forest. The whole family was involved with scouting, so Donna got to come along on all outtings. She loved that. All the food she could eat, and get to run around in the forest all day? Heaven. She was not always popular with the scouts, though. At one particular weekend, we were camped by a lake, sleeping in a big military tent together. Being a labrador, Donna loved water, and the first thing she did in the morning was to run straight out into the lake, and then back - into the tent where she ran over all the people in sleeping bags - soaked and absolutely loving it. The scouts were not quite as happy, though.

Donna was also the mother of two litters of puppies. They were adorable, and from the second litter, we had Callisto, Donna's daughter, who is right now wandering around in the house, looking for her mother. Maybe she is finally realizing that Donna isn't here any more, and won't come back. My little neurotic dog......it must feel so confusing to see the house get all emptied, all the people disappearing. Maybe that is why she is even more neurotic than usual.

Darling Donna, dockehunden min, snusse hund...so many names, so much love. We will miss you so much...and you will be in our hearts forever.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message She is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Dear Mr Spammer

2007-12-02T07:20:00.000-08:00

...I wish you would leave me alone.

Seriously. I am a WOMAN. I do not need penis enlargements, my penis is just as big as I want it - namely, non-existant. I don't want to "impress my woman" with anything you can send me, and honestly? Who the hell buys viagra from a spammer? Also, you can quit sending me emails with lonely Russian women who want to meet men. Why are they always Russian? Are there no lonely women in say...Great Britain? South Africa? Ouagadougou? Don't see any emails from them, either. And no lonely men, for that matter. Like I pointed out, I am a woman, so the chance of me answering to anything that has lonely women in the title of the email - NOT gonna get opened.

Oh, and the same goes for the deeply concerned letters from bank managers in Uganda, Nigeria or some other African country. No, I am sorry, but I don't think I have a relative who just died down there - especially not when you are spelling my last name all wrong. And I sure as hell do not believe that I have loads of money to collect...not from a distant relative in Africa, that is.

Oh, and the job offers. Right. Is there someone out there watching me, realizing that I am a hint desperate to find a job, and therefore heaps junk mail regarding job offers in my inbox? Job offers about what, precisely, to sit and surf through the net, leave bloody infuriating messages on forums and in email? Um, no.

And no to the offers of college education (hellooooo, living in Sweden?), green cards to get into US (helloooooo, still living in Sweden?) and all the other things that is sent out. Oh, and I am not logging into anything that my bank supposedly sent out, either.

Mr Spammer, I wish you all the bad parts of life. Parking tickets, annoying hiccups, fleas, angry neighbours - and most of all, I hope you get loads of spam. Serves you right.

More grey and dreary days

2007-11-21T05:03:00.000-08:00

Honestly? Ow. Yes, still at it. Cold sore (herpes) in combination with ...hell, I don't know. Wisdom teeth, only I had the little buggers removed. Either way, my right cheek is all swollen and achy - on the inside. Don't get any chipmunk images in your head, cause it doesn't show...well, apart from the grumpy mood I am in. The cheek aches, leading to my head aches, and then the rest of my body sort of aches just to sympathize with the head and cheek. Hello, body? You are not supposed to behave like this. Is it because I am not giving you sugar? I bet it is.

Yes, the house is sold, papers to be signed, and we're to move out - pronto. Oh, and the good news is that the kitchen for the new house arrives on Tuesday. Next week. Meaning...gee, there is a shitload of things to do, and so little time. Ow. And Christmas. My mother is starting to lean towards no Christmas at all, and I am SO not happy with that idea. I want Christmas! I want a tree, I want Christmas food, I want santas everywhere, I want candy (err, not supposed to eat it, but it is supposed to be there!) and I want presents under the tree, and the feeling that we might have outdone ourselves in the presents department.

Trying to feel positive here (see, Lori, I am trying!), and applied for two jobs yesterday - web producer and a team manager position (where they specified they wanted someone interested in language and computers - here I am!). I have applied for so many jobs lately, I am not even keeping track any more. Now that is just ...horrible. And yeah, they all said that thank you, we have your application, we will get back to you. Oh, right.

So, my life is a mess. My things are packed up, and I am living out of boxes - which, by the way, sucks. Honestly. You spend half an hour looking for a thing, just to realize that it is probably in one of the boxes in the new house. 800 kilometres away. Ugh. And I hate having my clothes in boxes and bags, cause I never get to wear anything. Err, of course I get to wear clothes, honestly! It is just that half of them are packed down, and I am not packing them up just to wear the lovely sweater at the bottom of the trunk. So, sticking with what is easily accessible.

-sigh- And there we go, I think I need a nap.

On a so-so day

2007-11-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

I am just so tired. Don't know why really, since I did sleep for a good 8 hours last night, but here I am, falling asleep at the keyboard. I am also hurting, since it seems like my herpes is blossoming up - meaning that half my mouth feels all swollen and achy and eating anything hard is out of the question. Unfortunately, herpes also means that I am likely having a cold on the way, the lil bugger only bothers to pop up whenever he has company. Misery loves company, perhaps?

Well, there is plenty of it, too. We might have sold the house, which perhaps isn't misery, but it also means that we have to move out. Now, the house where my parents are gonna live is in the north of Sweden, say...800 kilometres to the north, and they are still working on putting it into a condition where you can actually live in it. Dad found a lot of water damage in one of the bathrooms only last week - so it will have to be redone. (Though, insurance company will pay for it). Also, the kitchen needs to be redone, and all those things have been ordered. It's just that they are to be delivered at December 17th.

Then add the chaos that is here, with furniture, what's left of boxes, the fact that I still haven't got a job and am getting pretty damned desperate. And feeling depressed too, since I have been looking for a job since March, and been on several work interviews. It plain sucks, and those thoughts do not go well with the misery of feeling that I am getting sick, too. Ow.

Also, holidays coming up. I love Christmas, I really really do, and this year it feels like everything is chaos, and nothing is turning out to be what it usually is. I mean...no money for presents, and then the family is spread out, and it is quite possible that we will not have a kitchen for Christmas. And I really really dislike moving north, cause it is a helluva lot colder there, and I am already freezing. And we're still staying above zero degrees Celsius.

So, tell me that this is going to be fine, or I am gonna slip into bed, and not come out of til January. February. Oh hell, maybe even March.

Snippet no 4

2007-11-16T07:31:00.001-08:00

Gatsby straightened a little; waiting for her to finish with the thought of train he could clearly see was running through her mind. Small train, but with bright and shiny colours.

“Perhaps there was a purpose with his disappearance?” he suggested politely, but the moment he said that out loud, it became clear that Susan had landed at the same platform with her thought-train. “Very well then, if that is the case, then maybe we should try and find out wherever the unfortunate Mr Fairweather is at the moment?”

“Yes,” said Susan, “but how?”

“If the mirror is not cooperating, and I would not think it will, after all, it is an inanimate object,” Gatsby started, and he cleared his throat after a quick glance to Susan who was not going to have any more of the elaborate speeches, “err, I mean. How about trying to find him with the crystal ball? It only seems logical, since it is a bit of the human world and the Second Dimension. We are trying to locate something that is all human in the Second Dimension.”

“It should not be all that hard,” said Susan. “They are keeping much closer track of human goods in the other realm, these days. Apparently, they got a bit tired of the writers sneaking in at all times, trying to come up with crazy plots. Just look at how that fellow, Lewis Carroll, ended up. Writing gibberish, and all. My aunt did not yell to cut off his head. Well, she does, but we all mean that she means it in the most kind and affectionate way.”

“Right,” said Gatsby. “Talk about getting off track here. Crystal ball, lost human, now?”

“Right,” said Susan, and headed off towards her workroom once more, and just to be on the safe side, she brought along the mirror manual so she could call the support in the Second Dimension.

Snippet no 3 - Blame It on the Weatherman

2007-11-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

Susan went to answer the door, and was not all that pleased to find out that the visitor from the other realm was a door to door salesman. He was hovering on the black doorstep, a huge suitcase under his arm, dressed in impeccable suits and with salesman written all over his honest smile. Yeah, Susan could almost smell the deals he brought with him, not to mention the smell of persuasion. It sort of hung around him, and she sighed, reaching to tap the frame, and make her visible to him. He brightened up immediately upon spotting her, and launched into his sales pitch.

“Good day to you, madam, what a lovely day this is, only a mild rain of frogs, I was just telling my colleague that we are indeed lucky chaps who get to go out in this lovely weather, and sell even more lovely weather, my name is Narcissus Smith and I represent Good Weather Incorporated. Have you seen our commercials on the Witch Channel by any chance? We can offer you all the weather you need, and I have here some samples that I would like to demonstrate to you…”

He could have gone on, if Susan had not stopped him.

“Mr Smith, I am afraid this is not a good moment, and if you…”

He continued, still moving briskly with his sales talk.

“I take it that you are a sunshine lady, Madam, and I have to say, we do have some lovely drops of sunshine here. Drop one in your garden, and your plants will grow like mad. Perhaps you would like a drop of rain to go with that, no need for the watering of the plants, my own mother uses this and she swears by it, saves her both time and money she says, and she always knows when to put on her boots in case it is muddy, you can even modify it with this small potion, only costs a few silvers more, and then you will not even have to worry about the mud as the rain will spread evenly over the garden, in the spots you have picked out.”

Susan cleared her throat, a bit more firmly, but still politely.

“Mr Smith, this is not a good moment, and I am afraid…”

“Thunderstorms, maybe? A bit of a rainbow for your party, that is always a classic. I also have some hail, powerful to use on your enemy!”

At this point, Susan was getting very tired of the salesman, and she was in fact sorely tempted to zap him with one of his own thunderstorms. She tried to break off the sales pitch, but it was in fact like talking to a wall. If the wall talked back, that is. She turned lightly with the creak of the staircase, thinking it was Gatsby returning to annoy her, and she pondered if she could in fact sic him on the salesman. It would not be the first time, either.

“Oh, there you are. Please come and help me, he just will not leave!” she said, only to grow silent as she saw who it was coming down the stairs. It was not her cat, but the repairman, who now looked very puzzled.

“Who?” he said, coming towards her. “Are you talking to yourself in the mirror?”

Snippet no 2

2007-11-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

Saffron might have looked like Dolly Parton with a twist, but she had the mind and tactical ideas of General Patton. And that is exactly what Susan feared as she stepped back from the mirror to allow her mother and the extra visitor the space of the vestibule as they arrived from Second Dimension. Gatsby had moved away from the mirror as well, and taken up a seat on one of the steps of the staircase. His huge yellow eyes were watching the happenings of the hall, with a small conceited cat smile.

Susan almost groaned out loud as she saw who the other visitor was – her aunt Hyacinth. To have to deal with Saffron was bad enough, but to have to tangle with aunt Hyacinth at the same time…well, maybe she should just beg for mercy here and now. But no wars can be won by begging for mercy, so Susan tried to find those positive, happy thoughts inside her, as she stepped forward to greet the visitors.

“Mother, aunt Hyacinth,” she said, with a smile in place on her lips. “What a pleasant surprise to see you here, I hope the journey here was not too troublesome?” She almost winced inwardly as she helped her aunt with her coat; it smelled heavily of moth balls and sulphur. Hmm, maybe aunt Hyacinth had been dabbling in dark arts again. Susan readily abandoned these thoughts as she hung up the coat, and was presented with Hyacinth’s hat. Ah, Hyacinth’s hat. Now that was something different, even for the Second Dimension. For some reason, Hyacinth’s hats were always …different. Eccentric, one might say. This one was a black satiny one, with a stuffed…vulture as its crowning glory. Susan swallowed as she met the unnervingly alive gaze of the stuffed vulture, and she could not be quick enough with hanging up the hat.

She turned to gaze over her mother and her aunt, both prime examples of witches in their best years. Well, to be honest, a witch was always at the prime of her years, so it did not really matter what actual age she was. Her mother was somewhat on the plump side, but still managed to look impeccable at all occasions in her designer clothes. (Designers from the Second Dimension, of course. Saffron would never even be able to think the thought of wearing something a ….human..designer had made.) Hyacinth on the other hand was tall and gangly, and wore a mismatching collection of clothes that seemed to have come from the trash bin somewhere. It was hard to believe that the two women were actually sisters, but alas, Susan thought, they were, and they were her family.

“Susan,” her mother started, with a faint disapproving tone in her voice. “You are not wearing…human clothes again, are you?”

Susan sighed. Oh, it would be one of those visits.

Thursday Blah

2007-11-08T07:15:00.000-08:00

It is a depressingly grey and dreary Thursday outside, all rainy and windy. Something is sure to tell me that it really is November, in all its dreary grey glory. And this is when Swedes get hit with depressions, trust me. I once read a book called the "Xenophobe's Guide to the Swedes", and they describe us as people who suffer from "svårmod" (A quick translation of the word would be gloom or melancholy). At least in winter. A tourist arriving in summer in Sweden will think that...wow. Look at all them Swedes...no clothes (well, almost), smiling happy people everywhere, lots of light...this is awesome! Same tourist coming to visit in ...oh, November, would not recognise the Swedes. Dressed heavily, all suffering from melancholy, shut away in their homes...yeah.

I really like reading those sort of books, though. We have a superb columnist here in Sweden, whose name is Herman Lindqvist. He used to work as a reporter abroad, and now writes both excellent history books and causeries. He never fails to make me laugh when comparing Swedes to for example French....Yeah, I sure wish I could write causeries like him. Well, next project, eh?

Cause I have to say that I actually got a kick in the butt with NaNo. I am now up in 3619 words, yay me. Thank chloe for doing word battles with me, and not giving me an excuse to say...I'll do it later!

Even more writing

2007-11-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

...well, I at least got down 700 words yesterday, which is a record. We're working on it, me and my inner muse. She is one to get distracted by other things, and I try to keep her focused with coffee. Mostly. I also try to keep her focused with reading...which might just be a little of...getting off track.

But well, have you ever read a book and just felt that it was just...right? That's how I feel about "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg (not Goldman). She lists just so many things, explains some, and tells us of how she works. Like for example.... a chapter in the book is called "Writing Is Not a McDonald's Hamburger". And she is perfectly right about that. Even though I am trying to do this, write so many words - I must really take in account that it might not be perfect. And I cannot worry that I am just at the beginning of my tale - cooking is slow, and you never know where you will end up. (At least not in my family where cooking is always experimenting, and seeing when you end up. We never have the same casserole twice, I can tell you that.)

I swear, things get so complicated sometimes

2007-11-05T04:53:00.000-08:00

I do believe I think too much. Especially whenever I sit down to write more on the NaNo novel, which up to date is not so hot. I really need to get off my butt, and stop with the procrastinating. And I do. But would you believe it, the small snippets of dialogue and characters just come along whenever I am not by the computer! Argh. I swear, it is driving me nuts, since I cannot very well carrying around a note book when I am walking the dogs, for instance.

This is just like when I was writing on my paper. I can sit at the computer, and stare at the screen for hours, and then when I walk away...poof, lots of ideas. Drives me nuts, it does. Problem is that I really do think too much, and then I end up with writer's block. So, more prompts and writing exercises to just get the writing actually flowing.

I have this great book. Well, I actually have a lot of great books on writing - I just love reading them. But the one I am referring to is called "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldman. I recommend it to all writers out there, she is writing about writing in a not so strict way - more like a creative way, where each chapter is about something new. New advice, new ideas. I love that. For instance, she writes that "learning to write is not a linear process"...amen, sister! Mine is definitely not linear in any way. Not any more.

Alright, just thinking it over actually brought up a whole new world of thoughts concerning my writing. You see, I was the Queen of Writing Long Stories when I was younger. I loved to write. Loved to get more and more ideas to put into the stories I wrote, and I savoured the language lessons in school when we got to write our own things. When I was twelve, I entered the writing competition the school had, where you wrote a story around an image they had picked out. Oh, that worked great for me - I just popped out a story in no time - and even better, I actually won the competition. That was really a glorious moment.

Went through the 7th, 8th and 9th grade - still the same, I wrote long, elaborate stories that my friends loved to read, and perhaps not my teacher - but she at least encouraged me, and said that my language was excellent, and that I had a most vivid imagination. Ohyes, that I did. It didn't matter what the theme was, I wrote it. Back then, I did get stuck on fantasy, though.

And then I started the gymnasium (which is high school in Sweden, 16 - 19). My Swedish teacher did not like me, by any means. And she certainly didn't like my long writing - because that made her read all the more. I wrote a very long fantasy novella my first year, and well, to say the very least, she did not appreciate it. All I heard for three years was that I needed to not be so wordy, to cut down my stories, to be more focused in my writing. Well, to be focused is a good thing, but to have to put up with the less appreciating comments on my work, when others wrote so ...boring things. Well, and worse, actually. I never got a good grade in Swedish in the gymnasium, even though I did very well on all exams, and such. I think it simply was because my teacher didn't like me that she put me down for a medium grade.

Still with me? Then we skip ahead in time, up to the point when I am writing my first thesis in Swedish, which was a comparison between translations of "Anne of Green Gables", and my supervisor...was not very kind, or helpful. Those who knew me back then know how torn apart I was, with having to write chapters of the thesis ...again and again, and then the final straw to really break the camel's back - my supervisor told me that I did not have a very good language. Now, I can just look back and think that...well, I did not have a very good formal language, perhaps, because I had not really tried to write that thesis in formal language. But well, it was another blow to my self esteem as a writer.

Now, it is 3 years later, and I won a scholarship for the best paper in Informatics - written in a foreign language. It's odd, isn't it.

To sum it up....we all have something sitting on our shoulder, whispering in our ear that we are not good enough, and this will and can for sure give us a good-sized writer's block. For me, I have the ghosts of teachers past, ghosts of disapproving family members who whisper in my ear that I am not good enough, that my writing is not good, I should stop it now. And whenever I am now hearing that, I try to think of the other ghosts by my side, the teachers who did encourage the writing, the friends telling me that they want to read more, my parents telling me that I can do anything if I put my mind to it. Yes. I try to listen to them, and less to the negative ghosts. But they are all there, in the back of my mind.

Gah.

2007-11-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know what my problem is. Not writing, and very much just adding to plot and characters, and not writing.

More wine.

...a snippet

2007-11-02T14:35:00.000-07:00

Right. Mind you, this is a snippet. Something I start to write at 1 AM at night, trying to get into the feel, which means that it is not really fitting in anywhere, but rather...a way of getting to know the setting, char and plot. There we go, you have been warned!

***

Truth be told, Susan was not a very good witch. That is, she was rather mediocre in her witchcraft, and not turning to the dark side of it. No, Susan was not a black witch for sure – not with her organic potions, good-spells-only policy. Of course, this was not very easy.

Susan lived in the small village of Bedworth, somewhere in the middle of England. This would make her British by nationality, but that is not the entire truth either. Susan was, as mentioned earlier, a witch. Which rather should be spelled with a capital W to indicate that she was in fact, witch by birth and occupation. Her mother was a witch, and so was her grandmother before her. In fact, you could count back generations of witches in the family, and most of them had been excellent, brilliant, skilled witches who had worked their craft flawlessly. So, Susan was a bit of a black sheep at the end of the line, and this… was perhaps a bit unsettling for her mother. No one wants a mediocre daughter – that is, no one wants to admit they have one.

Continued Writing

2007-11-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to be the day when I really got down and wrote a whole chunk of ...writing. Or so I thought. But well, for the same reasons as yesterday (simply too many other things to do and finish), I haven't written...much. But, on the bright side, I have small scenes popping up in my mind, along with the chars and the...idea of a plot. Gee, perhaps it would have been a good idea to have worked out all this before November, but well...don't do today what you can do tomorrow. Hah. That's me alright, in some aspects.

Some aspects, some of the people who read this blog will say. In others, I am actually good with getting things up and running. Which is of course....good. I just wish that I could do them in more aspects of my life.

So, to the writing. The setting is somewhat there, I have my main character, and at least a few sketchy secondary characters. Oh, and Gatsby the Cat, who was presented to me by chloe, a friend of mine whom I asked for good authors names. Well, Gatsby the Cat just rung so well with both of us, so he got stuck in there. chloe...is still blamed for dragging me into this, too.

So well. We can hope I get massive inspiration and write lots during the weekend, or it is going to be hell when we come to the end of the month. I must start writing, I must start writing, I must start writing.

A new month

2007-11-01T09:48:00.001-07:00

It is November 1st, and I cannot believe how fast the year has gone by. How can it be November already, when it was June and July just moments ago? Some times, I think someone pushes the fast forward button when I ain't looking. And hey, it is my life, and therefore, really unfair that I don't get to push that button!

Beginning of November means that I also signed up to do the NaNoWriMo. (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) Which doesn't make sense at all if you are looking at it - but essentially, I signed up to write 50 k words in a month. I totally blame chloe for getting me into this. She started with a whopping 5 k - I am up to...almost 200 words. Yay me. Problem is really, that I started out, all decided to write a fantasy novel of sorts. Yeah, but when I started typing it out, somehow, it transformed into something else, and it is not really all clear on what the hell this one is. It might be a chick lit with fantasy elements...hmm. Yeah.

Either way, I have to finish all my other usual start of the month business, so I can actually sit down and do this! Mmmyeah. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I should have gone with the whole blogging thing instead.

The Household Rant

2007-10-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

Dear dogs, I am not a feeding and walking machine. No, I will not just be there to feed you, walk you. No, it doesn't help if you whine outside my door. No, whining while I am eating is not gonna get you food any faster, but it will make me very disgruntled. No, I will not let you out into the garden, cause you will simply come up with new ways of making my life miserable - yes, trying to escape through the hedge, rolling in something unmentionable, disappearing off to eat said unmentionable - those are all things that will make me very upset with you. Yes, the food I put down before you is there to be eaten - not skipped. You're a dog, you eat anything! And even if you do not eat, we're not going out any quicker. When we are walking, it would be nice if you would STOP whining, especially when meeting other dogs. Humans. Bicycles. Children. Cats. Anything that moves. Oh, and please, don't make me drag you home. When we're home, please stop the licking. Of yourself. Of the other dog. Of the cat. Of the carpet. Of the floor. Please?

Dear dogs, I love you dearly. Who else would keep me company throughout the day, making sure that I am not spending too much time by the computer? Who would make sure I got off my ass and got out on these walks, and make sure that I am losing weight, not gaining it? Who would love me for just talking to you, petting you, watching you? Who would amuse me just with their company, and the way they look.

I love you, Donna and Callisto, but I think you are driving me nuts at the same time.

Rant

2007-10-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

I rant, therefore I am. Not really, but the point does get across. Ranting is a nice way of letting off some steam, of letting out some frustrations that have been bubbling under the surface for a while. Ohyeah. So here we go.

Alright, so I can understand that a site can be hacked. This is unfortunate, but some people find the need to ruin things for others in order to feel good about themselves. Yes. But a site that accepts money for the services they are providing, should and ought to have a backup, so they can quickly and smoothly bring the service back to life again. Of course, it is only natural. If the service was however interrupted for a while, you would be offered a refund, or something like that.

Well, you would think that. I recently moved my chat rooms to a chat site, since I believed the service there was superior to other places, and the atmosphere was friendly. Since then, I have learnt otherwise. The site was hacked, no backup was left, and well, what I thought was friendly seems to have been Stepford quiet.

Because, no solution has been offered yet, and it is now...around 2,5 weeks since the site went down. Ohyes, there is a backup server in place, but it wasn't meant to handle such things as actual traffic, so it crashes whenever there are 30 people online at the same time. And there is no word on what is going to happen - just that they are programming everything a new, and adding new features to make the site even better.

Well, I did actually ask, publicly, about the progress. But then I was rebuffed by another member of the chat site, who said "I dont know about you all but I don't think your time limit for things that can be postphoned aren't important...I mean the admin and those working on the site don't need the pressures of "Will it or I wants" They have enough problems to think on and yes I know she understands things had to be changed, but c'est la vie. It's ok guys really so asking if it will be fixed by a certain date is hard to say. So much programming and coding to do its not something you can ask. Patience is a virtue. "

Excuse me? I must have mistaken the site with a commercial one, one that I pay money to for services like putting up my chat room on their server. So yes, I do think I have a right to know what is going on with the programming, and I do believe I have a right to a bloody refund after this. More so, I do not run around and post on topics where I shouldn't stick my nose into, and yeah...I don't brownnose, either.

All in the end, this too shall pass. But it sure is annoying while it lasts.

Thoughts of Freedom

2007-10-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

Horses racing over the field
So do the thoughts of my mind
Tumbling, racing, running wild
The beauty of freedom.

Time

2005-10-19T16:38:00.000-07:00

Panta rei. Everything flows, or rather, everything changes. You cannot step into the same river twice, or so Heraclitus said way back. He was a pretty smart guy. Everything changes, including you.

Because you can't really say that you are the same person, can you? Each and every moment, there is a process going on, the system within is achanging. There's always new information to be balanced, to be taken in, absorbed.

The learning process never ends, nor is the a limit to the knowledge you can take in. With the knowledge, and everything, can you really then say that you are the same person now that you were minutes ago? Or is there a core deep down inside you where you can always be yourself, a core which doesn't get rocked by the influx of information, of knowledge.

Everything changes. In a world of changes, what can you then trust, believe in? Religions change, politics change, humans change. What can you really trust to be there, in the end?

The beauty of a sunset, the flow of the written word. The trill of the birds in the morning, the joy of being alive. The little things that we do not appreciate enough. We really should.

Creativity

2005-09-24T07:07:00.000-07:00

Here we go again. Ugh, creativity shot to pieces by the fact that I just haven't got as much time. Work piling up, project due in two weeks. Whoever said that being a student was easy?

But I am working on releasing that creativity again. I bought me a great book called "The Artist's Way", and I will try to spark my creativity by following the advice. I already started with the morning pages, which is, I write three pages every morning about....anything running through my mind. It's a way of getting in contact with that inner artist, and well, I hope to get more creative.

I always wanted to write, but well, with everything around me, I just never seem to have the time to do that. And then I found out how great PSP or any other graphics program is, and I am forever stuck. Creativity can come in so many ways, and I love that. I love being creative. Days when I am not creative are just days when I want to drag the covers over my head and not get out of bed.

What does your name mean?

2005-09-06T03:46:00.000-07:00

Hippolyta

H is for Heavenly
I is for Innocent
P is for Proud
P is for Philosophical
O is for Openhearted
L is for Lively
Y is for Yummy
T is for Thrilling
A is for Abstract

What Does Your Name Mean?

Back to uni

2005-08-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

Well, technically it was back to uni yesterday, but hey.

Always such a joy to go back to school, a fresh start, new experiences to be had. Hah. More like the pains of having to pay up for all the material. "Would you like the new coursework, or be able to eat this month?" The prices are horrendous, really...they're asking for two good-sized virgin sacrifices, at least. Or possibly a limb.

Starting my second year now, and when I look at all the new students on campus, I start to wonder if I was also that lost last year. There's new people everywhere, and they don't have a clue to where they should be, or what they should do. Amusing.

It feels like an eternity ago. Starting uni for the first time, that is. After one BA, there is still the thrill of starting a new course, the prospect of what you are going to learn. But also, there is the irony that you remember very little of the course you took last year, and so, what did you really learn?

I shouldn't take pedagogy. It makes me think way too much.

All you need is love...

2005-08-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

All credit to the Beatles, for creating a great song.

Masks

2005-08-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

We're all wearing masks, everyday of our lives. No matter what we do, who we are - the mask is there. The family mask, the mask you wear for friends, the mask when you meet new people. Somewhere, along the road, do you know who you are? Which is the original mask - the ultimate one?

Is there even a you any longer?