The Household Rant

Dear dogs, I am not a feeding and walking machine. No, I will not just be there to feed you, walk you. No, it doesn't help if you whine outside my door. No, whining while I am eating is not gonna get you food any faster, but it will make me very disgruntled. No, I will not let you out into the garden, cause you will simply come up with new ways of making my life miserable - yes, trying to escape through the hedge, rolling in something unmentionable, disappearing off to eat said unmentionable - those are all things that will make me very upset with you. Yes, the food I put down before you is there to be eaten - not skipped. You're a dog, you eat anything! And even if you do not eat, we're not going out any quicker. When we are walking, it would be nice if you would STOP whining, especially when meeting other dogs. Humans. Bicycles. Children. Cats. Anything that moves. Oh, and please, don't make me drag you home. When we're home, please stop the licking. Of yourself. Of the other dog. Of the cat. Of the carpet. Of the floor. Please?

Dear dogs, I love you dearly. Who else would keep me company throughout the day, making sure that I am not spending too much time by the computer? Who would make sure I got off my ass and got out on these walks, and make sure that I am losing weight, not gaining it? Who would love me for just talking to you, petting you, watching you? Who would amuse me just with their company, and the way they look.

I love you, Donna and Callisto, but I think you are driving me nuts at the same time.